Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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