you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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