I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize