it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
me + whiskey = a bad person
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
