just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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