Ambien. No doubt about it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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