I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
