Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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