So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
