One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
