You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
