quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
