I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
