I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
