i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
