When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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