Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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