I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
