Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
