Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
