if i can run in heels then i can drive
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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