i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
