So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
