I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
