yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
