I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
