Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
