the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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