You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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