do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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