I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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