My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
be right there i have to get my cape
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize