she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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