im drinking this country out of the recession.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
