I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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