Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
