I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Two words: blizzard sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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