We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
