Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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