the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
