Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
