you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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