Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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