who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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