I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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