Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
