Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
