i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
