My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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