I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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