it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
