garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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