what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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