update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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