Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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