i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
