Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
