Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
