perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
