I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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