we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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