So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
