I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
