I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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