After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize