Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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