Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
